i dunno wat to put as the title?

Living my life I always wonder is there something more for me to do, besides my everyday playing with games… and watching dvds. Its really touching to watch movies like the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants and Spanglish. I never thought that the Sisterhood movie could be that emotional for me, as I thought it was some another chick flick, which it was totally NOT. I think I can relate myself to Carmen the most. I would say my life is somewhere in a combination of Carmen and Bridget. Do I feel empty? Not really, not always. I mean like we are still so young to think that our lives are meaningless don’t you think? We have only spent twenty years of our lives and most part of it we were still not aware about the meaning of life. This is just the beginning of our search for that something that we will feel alive for.

I always wonder, what the future has installed for me… will I really go back to Malaysia and have a simple life, would that satisfy me? Or instead of going back I will end up travelling the world to open up my eyes to the other countries and cultures. Am I going to that by myself (most likely) or with someone I feel close with? Even so, would that person be willing to spend loads of money to travel around the world, and with me? I like to go to Europe one day… and to Anfield a couple of times before my life ends.What are the chances of me having a relationship with someone I admire so much? Probably less than the chance of a pig can fly. I do feel very lucky that I was able to meet and get up close with S.H.E for a number of times, but I have yet to feel the satisfaction. I want more. I want to talk to them, ask them if they liked the present I gave them and was that the most unique present they ever received from their fans. I wonder. Or would I have any opportunity to meet face to face with Scarlett, Hilary or Mandy??? That would definitely be a dreamer, unless of course I am the luckiest man in the world.

I envy Nick a lot, not that he’s smart and rich (well, maybe that too), but I envy him because he knows what he wants from his life. He is so sure of what he wants and knows what he needs to do to get there. I don’t even know what sort of presents I like to have for my birthday. Though it is true that being unsure of life is something common among the people, hey, even people in their fifties sometimes wonder what they want to do with their life, I just like to express myself. It’s like the only things that I am sure about myself are that I am going to be an accountant and that I am the worst boyfriend ever. Horrible in relationship stuffs. I need something more from myself.

I know myself since I was somewhere between 4-5 yrs old. It is not like I am not who I was before that, I just don’t remembered, not all of it. I didn’t know that I had stitches above my eye because I fell down to the drain, or about my auntie’s ‘lost child’. I didn’t know that I was in China before when I was VERY young. Nor did I know that I ruined my sister’s school magazine. So I can say that my life that I know of begins when I move to PJ. I still remembered the roads pretty well. No highways. In front of the Little Bell kindergarten and BP petrol station was a T-Junction, just like the one in between TTDI and PJ in front of the Telekom. There was NO Uptown, only a grassy, wide piece of land. Bandar Utama was just a palm oil estate (lots of mosquitoes). Back then, I watched Transformers and Dragonball. No internet. I played Gods and this game which I called Titan (I don’t know the actual name of the game).

I start wearing spectacles when I was in standard 3 I think. Pretty young huh? Blame it on the televisions and the cartoons. I think now the power is somewhere in between 600 to 700++. I had my chicken pox when I was in standard 2. I had to sit outside the class room during the exams. Later that room was turned into the Living Skills classroom. I watched Kisah Benar… which now reminds me of the boy who got kidnapped… one of the biggest case in regards to child kidnapping. The show ended showing that the kid’s both legs and arms was amputated. People told me that kidnappers do that so that the kids can beg for money. I wonder how he is now… is he still alive?

I remembered the first time I saw He Xiang (Hey if you are reading this please put a comment!), it was at the gates near the hall. My cousin was calling her, and somehow she didn’t reply. Ever since then, I got this really bad impression about He Xiang, I thought that she is this really arrogant and proud popular girl. I am glad that I was SO wrong about that! He Xiang is the friendliest, smartest and know-it-all girl that I know.

It is really weird how things are related; you know… it’s so weird that it really freaks you out. How I got to know that Justin Foo is Fong Mei’s friend, Ka Faii knows Sidney and that the nickname Penguin for Pn. Salmah was actually given by my elder cousin (I am not really sure about how true this is but that is what she told me).

And how about Form 1? 1 Kiambang was my class back then. Well, back then I always wonder who the @%&* is Chong Min Li, this girl that my friend likes so much. It wasn’t till end of Form 2 that I got to see who she is, and became friends ever since then. Ai Lin, was my classmate in Form 1, but it wasn’t till the upper secondary school that I started to really got to know her. My friend Andrew, haha, I just can’t have enough of him back then! He is just one of the funniest guy I ever know! Then, give him a song and he can just make the craziest lyric out of that song. Pearl Jam – Last Kiss and Smash Mouth – Allstar. Those were his top two.

I stop gambling in football games the same year I started it.

I think this is where I am going to stop. I am feeling much better already.