For many Baz Luhrmann's "Everybody's free (To Wear Sunscreen)" song of 1997 was a pivotal moment in their lives, it showed them the complexity of language and the beauty of lyrics. Famously adapted from a newspaper column by a teacher writing to leaving pupils, Luhrmann gave the song a catchy tune and his own unmistakable voice. An instant hit, the song is still known across the world today. If you enjoyed the original, I hope you will like my adaption.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of 2005,
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, saving regularly would be it.
The long-term benefits of saving regularly have been proven with games lasting for years; where as the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience… I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the little expectations of early management; oh, nevermind; you will not understand expectations until they have grown.
But trust me, in 20 years time you’ll look back at games when you were young, and recall just how revolutionary your tactics seemed and how naive your transfers were. You’re not as bad a manager as you think.
Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve a goalscoring problem by signing a 16-year-old Centre Back. The real troubles in your managerial career are apt to be things that never crossed your mind, the things that blindside you at 15:00 on some idle Saturday waiting for matches to process.
Do one thing every week to amaze your players.
Declare Interest.
Don’t be reckless with staff’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Remove players from your shortlist.
Don’t waste time on jealousy, sometimes you’re at the top of the league, sometimes you aren’t… the race is long, and in the end, its only with the yourself.
Remember the fans at clubs who back you, forget those fans that sit around cursing you all day, if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Remember the days you get promotion, forget the days you’re relegated.
Turn replays on
Don’t be worried during pre-season if you can’t figure out what tactic best suits your team…. Some of the best managers I know don’t know what tactic to play a few months into the season; some of the greatest managers I know still don’t know what formation to play by the end of the season.
Sign plenty of youth.
Be kind to your influential players, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll manage England, maybe you wont. Maybe you’ll win the Uefa Cup, maybe you wont. Maybe you’ll leave your childhood favourite team after 40 years of management; maybe you’ll dance around the room at 2am when finally you achieve a good Champions League draw… Whatever you do, don’t praise your players too much but don’t criticise them too much either – their chances are down to you, and so are your other staff. Enjoy managing your team, experiment with it whenever you can… Don’t be afraid of making decisions, or what other people think about them; It’s the greatest skill you will ever have.
Buy younger players, even if you have no-where to play them.
Listen to the fan’s suggestions, even if you do not follow them.
Do not read media advice; you will only end up feeling horrible.
Play your older players; you never know when they’ll retire for good.
Be nice to your assistant manager; he is the best link to the past and the person most likely to stay with you in the future.
Understand that players come and go, but for the precious few you should hold onto for their entire career. Work hard to bridge problems with players who have stayed with you for the stretch, because the more out of favour you become, the more you need people you knew when you were more popular.
Play with Juventus once, but leave before its picky board turns on you. Manage Liverpool once, but leave before its friendly board turn you into a poor manager.
Manage smaller clubs.
Accept certain inalienable truths, Coach Reports will be indecisive, managers will make excuses, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young Coach Reports where always precise, managers didn’t make excuses and coaches respected their players.
Respect your players.
Don’t expect anyone to support you for your whole career. Maybe you have a massive balance, maybe you have some wealthy chairman; you never know when either one will run out or abandon you.
Don’t mess too much with your player’s positions, by the time they’re 30 they’ll no longer have a favourite place to play.
Be careful which players you buy, but be patient with those who offer you them. Criticising is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of finding out about a player’s history, wiping away the useful seasons, painting over the old old ones and keeping the horrid ones.
But trust me on the saving regularly…
